This morning, I decided to let go and say “Enough is Enough.” I was talking to my friend early this morning after waking up with a find full of worries and I decided to speak my truth. I was tired of holding back my experiences at the expense of others so I gave a run down of all that was on my mind and it was just simple task from the 30 minute morning that I just experienced. And of course I was dismissed and told that my feelings were valid but my delivery wasn’t. Of course, I couldn’t understand how my delivery could be gaged from a text message but after much reflection, I chose to let this person go, for my own sanity.
My own sanity is rooted in my truth and the truth is, people will silence your emotions as a way to protect themselves from the role they have played in your own sense of hurt. There are some people who will light a fire in you and then hide their hands as if what you are experiencing is “all in your head.” There are some people who are self-serving in relationships and declare that they get their needs met and when you are in need of a moment of vulnerability, they will reverse the script and pretend to have no part in your healing process. There are some people who will take advantage of your emotional adeptness as a weakness and play you like a violin if you aren’t aware of their true intentions. The reason why I know is because, I have experienced so many different versions of these individuals in my lifetime and each one I have handled differently but this time, I found the need to express my truth which is, I played a passive role in allowing this behavior to continuously influence my mental health and also my sense of self-worth.
No this is not a blame game, no this is not a internalization, no this is not a “woe is me” moment” but this is a moment where I acknowledge the role I have played in their ability to consistently impact me. I feel that my need for the “good company” redefined my ability to tolerate their behavior. These behaviors were counter-intuitive to everything that I believed in as a strong Black women. My strength is rooted in my ability to protect myself, my emotions, my dreams, my life. And to be honest, I don’t have to take on the burdens of others peoples emotions just to say that I participated in saving them. That is not my role as a healer. That is not my role as a human being, I cannot and will not tolerate people who bankrupt my emotions as a way to play a game of emotional tennis. Or bankrupting my time just so that they can fulfill a physical void. These people can be in your families, your co-workers, or even in your intimate relationships. The lack in reciprocity can leech off of your emotions and cause you to feel just as the picture above, shot down and without a way to recover.
Just as I am declaring this statement, I need you to do the same “I am more than enough.” I am more than just being a emotional punching bag. I deserve rest, I deserve vulnerability, I deserve reciprocity. The time of catering to self-serving individuals is over, there is no conversation, no middle ground, there is nothing that can get them to give you what you need. Save that energy for yourself Kings and Queens and cater to your own sense of self-worth and mental wellness. This is how you develop your boundaries and if the people around you cannot fall inline to your needs (notice I said needs) then create the boundaries so that they can show themselves the door they need to exit from your life. Tolerated behavior is behavior encouraged. Create a new pattern in your life and repeat after me “I am ENOUGH.”